Without knowing anything else about you, and basing the following statement on nothing more than this essay, I would say you *may* be heading in the wrong direction, but not for the reason you think.
It’s common to think that success comes to people that are passionate about their field, and those people are almost always ‘on’. If I had to guess, it sounds like you know that description doesn’t fit you and you’re worried that this may preclude you from success
But here’s the thing: most successful people don’t have this all-consuming passion for their given field. That’s not what drives them. What makes successful people tick is that they like being good at what they do and they enjoy the benefits that come with being good.
Sure, there may be some people that you consider successful in your field that live and breathe this stuff. But if you were to randomly select 10 or 20 and ask them if they would continue to do what they do if they couldn’t make a living (I.e. make machine learning into a hobby instead of a profession) the vast majority would not.
In other words, it’s the feeling of competence, recognition for their contribution, and total body of work that drive them. And machine learning was interesting enough to them to get them to focus long enough to become really competent.
It’s not that they’re in love with their field, it’s that they are in love with being really good at it
You clearly have the intelligence and aptitude for it, so that isn’t the problem.
The problem is that it is unclear to you whether you will be able to push yourself hard enough to reach that competence *without* the natural boost that comes with being genuinely interested.
I suspect that is where your procrastination and unease is coming from.
There might be several factors contributing to that ugh field that I, an outsider unfamiliar with your situation, can't begin to understand but what I can say is this: I started a new job about three months ago & feel the ugh field starting to emerge. Most of the shine has worn off. However, I decided to experiment with making work more fun for myself--by identifying aspects that could be improved, thinking about how to improve them & hopefully convincing my supervisor (down the line) that I can implement those improvements too. I might write a post about it too.
Of course, this is only applicable to certain jobs & probably not to a graduate program... Either way, I hope your career feelings will clarify soon.
I appreciate you writing out these conflicting feelings Étienne! One aspect I think about more and more these days is the power of having great cohorts of people. Even if you're only semi-engaged in the work you're doing, it can make a world of difference to be doing it with people who are passionate, fun to collaborate with, and simply nice. I don't think this necessarily means you shouldn't think about finding the right fit for you, but that cohorts make a big difference too.
Also: I didn't realize you were based here in Québec!
Thank for sharing this! It is cool than you have to capacity and audacity to share your ugg field experience! I can relate!
Our brain is a machine that have learned. Fight, flight, freeze! Maybe procrastination is a way to avoid bad emotions, they are a message that something is wrong. But is it, really? Sometime the brain program is not perfect for the modern world that it created, you know, very old software. We need to debug it. I trust you can fix it, whatever you chose to do.
Long ago, when I was thinking what I'd like to do with my life, and since then, when talking to students, I came up with two criteria for a job choice: First, imagine that this job turns out to be the worst it can be - would I still want to do it? If it came in its most boring, annoying and exhausting form, would it still be bearable? Second, would I want to live a life WITHOUT that job? If my life never again included this activity, would I be happy? If you clearly say yes to the first and no to the second, go for it. Otherwise, I'd keep looking for the right thing. Worked out for me, both with university teaching and freelance online content creation. I'm not particularly good or successful at either, but happy.
Without knowing anything else about you, and basing the following statement on nothing more than this essay, I would say you *may* be heading in the wrong direction, but not for the reason you think.
It’s common to think that success comes to people that are passionate about their field, and those people are almost always ‘on’. If I had to guess, it sounds like you know that description doesn’t fit you and you’re worried that this may preclude you from success
But here’s the thing: most successful people don’t have this all-consuming passion for their given field. That’s not what drives them. What makes successful people tick is that they like being good at what they do and they enjoy the benefits that come with being good.
Sure, there may be some people that you consider successful in your field that live and breathe this stuff. But if you were to randomly select 10 or 20 and ask them if they would continue to do what they do if they couldn’t make a living (I.e. make machine learning into a hobby instead of a profession) the vast majority would not.
In other words, it’s the feeling of competence, recognition for their contribution, and total body of work that drive them. And machine learning was interesting enough to them to get them to focus long enough to become really competent.
It’s not that they’re in love with their field, it’s that they are in love with being really good at it
You clearly have the intelligence and aptitude for it, so that isn’t the problem.
The problem is that it is unclear to you whether you will be able to push yourself hard enough to reach that competence *without* the natural boost that comes with being genuinely interested.
I suspect that is where your procrastination and unease is coming from.
There might be several factors contributing to that ugh field that I, an outsider unfamiliar with your situation, can't begin to understand but what I can say is this: I started a new job about three months ago & feel the ugh field starting to emerge. Most of the shine has worn off. However, I decided to experiment with making work more fun for myself--by identifying aspects that could be improved, thinking about how to improve them & hopefully convincing my supervisor (down the line) that I can implement those improvements too. I might write a post about it too.
Of course, this is only applicable to certain jobs & probably not to a graduate program... Either way, I hope your career feelings will clarify soon.
Ugg Field sounds similar to ADHD Paralysis. There are lots of concrete strategies related to that that you might find apply.
I appreciate you writing out these conflicting feelings Étienne! One aspect I think about more and more these days is the power of having great cohorts of people. Even if you're only semi-engaged in the work you're doing, it can make a world of difference to be doing it with people who are passionate, fun to collaborate with, and simply nice. I don't think this necessarily means you shouldn't think about finding the right fit for you, but that cohorts make a big difference too.
Also: I didn't realize you were based here in Québec!
Thank for sharing this! It is cool than you have to capacity and audacity to share your ugg field experience! I can relate!
Our brain is a machine that have learned. Fight, flight, freeze! Maybe procrastination is a way to avoid bad emotions, they are a message that something is wrong. But is it, really? Sometime the brain program is not perfect for the modern world that it created, you know, very old software. We need to debug it. I trust you can fix it, whatever you chose to do.
Long ago, when I was thinking what I'd like to do with my life, and since then, when talking to students, I came up with two criteria for a job choice: First, imagine that this job turns out to be the worst it can be - would I still want to do it? If it came in its most boring, annoying and exhausting form, would it still be bearable? Second, would I want to live a life WITHOUT that job? If my life never again included this activity, would I be happy? If you clearly say yes to the first and no to the second, go for it. Otherwise, I'd keep looking for the right thing. Worked out for me, both with university teaching and freelance online content creation. I'm not particularly good or successful at either, but happy.